A-ha…

I have been struggling mightily. I have spent a lot of time and tears over the last few weeks having myself a good-old-fashioned temper tantrum because of the New Things I am needing to learn. Inside my head I am screaming, “I CAN’T DO IT!!! Let me go back to things I know and with which I am comfortable!” You see, I am confident that I can get my classes ready for the end game with the tools I have created and modified over the years. The trouble is that those tools hail back to my boast that “the most advanced technology you will use is the gel pen!” I worked that way because the AP test was pen to paper! I wanted them to practice like the test would be. But then AP revealed that, oh, yeah, we’ve been doing virtual exams for years. Out goes the gel pen…now this old dog is having to learn new tricks.

I feel stupid. I know that I am not stupid…I know that I will shift my attitude from needing to conquer Schoology to learning how to work within it toward student success. But in the meantime…I don’t like feeling that I am not good at something. I am not good at everything, which I know, but usually if I’m not good at and I don’t HAVE to do it, I find a way to let it slip into the satchel of “Well, That Was Interesting”, and don’t think about it anymore. But I MUST learn how to use this thing that I am not good at…I MUST.

And so it occurred to me…this is the way the kids feel EVERY TIME they sit in a new class with new material. This is what it feels like to watch the train leave without you when you are still trying to figure out where you put your luggage. This is sitting for a Geometry lesson when you don’t remember what the variable is for in Algebra. This is trying to write an essay for a book you bought and tried all summer to read but that was beyond your understanding. This is trying to remember how to conjugate a verb in a second language when you can barely do it in the language you speak every day.

And here I sit mentally moaning about a few stinking programs I have to learn…that come with videos and people who can support me (although I hate to bother people…which is a whole other topic) Among the many things I appreciate about my Leader is the fact that she leads with Grace. She knows it is hard and that we are all struggling in one way or another. She knows it will be crunchy at first and she says OUT LOUD that she knows that we are doing our best for the kids.

So, my takeaway from this epiphany is that I have a newfound empathy for the students that I teach. I feel this way about ONE thing in particular. They are facing EIGHT classes of New Things. It is a wonder that their heads don’t explode. I want to keep this in mind so that I can support them in other MEANINGFUL ways…

And I will stop whining and start getting creative, which is something I love to do. How could I forget that about myself? Everything is off the table, and on the table at the same time…this year is a blank canvas. Let’s see what I can make of it.