Discipline

Today I struggle, once again, with discipline of the self kind. I like to think of myself as steadfast and loyal. I have made mistakes in the past, but I try to be mindful of my thoughts, words, and deeds.

As I look at my tiny pile of unsalted, oven-roasted almonds (there are fifteen), I find my discipline wavering. I know that I have made a commitment to myself about healthy eating and exercise. I have been faithful to the protocol, for the most part, and I have been rewarded at weigh-in. I would like a Coke. I would like some bread. I would like a nice, loaded baked potato.

The word comes from the Latin - discipulus - disciplina (instruction and knowledge) to Old French discipline (which has to do with mortification by scourging oneself)…um…no, thanks. I think the word represents a choice. When I work on my self-discipline, I think it comes down to choosing every single time…will I eat this or that? Will I go for that walk or sit on the couch? Will I stay to finish grading those assignments or go read a book? Will I run the vacuum or step over the dog hair?

It is easier to be disciplined for the school stuff…other people are depending upon me to produce. Somewhere in my brain I know that I am just as important as the system and students that I work for, but it is so much easier to slip when it comes to myself. I will work today to think about myself as worthy and deserving of this discipline. It means my health. It means being around for my boys and their adventures. It means holding the babies of the next generation and whispering blessings over them.

Tomorrow is weigh-in. I won’t eat the things I want to (such a feeding frenzy might not stop), I’ll eat the things I should. I have a modest goal for myself where this is concerned. I can keep moving forward…I will enjoy delicious things in moderation later.

I probably will not vacuum though…not today, anyway.