Hesitation

I have never liked heights. I don’t mind flying, but I always get a little vertigo in high places. There is a feeling of being sucked over the edge. The high dive was the worst, of course. It was a matter of status and pride to leap from that tiny strip of wood into the pool. Don’t even THINK about the walk of shame that would be if you climbed back down the ladder. You might as well go home.

Today as I start back to Inservice I am thinking about hesitation. I know jumping back into this school experience is not the same as the diving board, but I feel a slight hesitation that reminds me of that. It will be a risk to do this job I do. There is a part of the brain designed to keep us safe. After all, it is the incautious cave-man for whom the encounter with the new predator is a problem.

I want to focus on the feeling of exhilaration that comes after the hesitation. Once you’ve committed yourself to gravity after taking that step off the end of the board, that moment of “flight”, of “falling with style”…I want to channel that feeling as I approach the beginning of the year. Of course there are risks, and I will be careful, but oh, how I miss my job. Careful, but UNAFRAID.