I’m So Tired

In my head that sounds like Madeline Kahn from Blazing Saddles…

My face hurts from smiling into the camera on my laptop. My eyes are strained from trying to remember where to look on a Zoom call. My body hurts from sleeping on the couch last night. My brain hurts. Even though I keep SAYING that I am releasing all previously held expectations, the truth is that I am no. I keep trying to see how I can salvage something useful from what I Know and what is Comfortable and make it work in this new State. This clinging to what worked is a roadblock. I really am having a hard time moving forward with planning. I struggle to learn the new tech, not because I am incapable, but maybe…just a little…I am resentful of the need for it. Of COURSE I am being irrational. That is one of my sub-powers.

Now, then, my SUPER-power involves being able to take those deep breaths (not a small feat in the age of respiratory issues)…another one would be to keep Moving. I would like very much to fall into a pizza and then a food coma, but that won’t help me get ready for my class today. It doesn’t have to be PERFECT. I always tell my students…don’t shoot for Perfection…only God is perfect. Instead, shoot for Excellence. That is achievable and designed to change with the need of the day.

Maybe this is supposed to teach me how to be in the moment and focus on what is in front of me. Maybe if I quit looking at what worked then, I might be able to see a simpler, better, cleverer way for it to work now. How very philosophical.

I’m still tired, though. Just saying.