Torpor

…is what I am feeling today. I hope to overcome it by pressing forward. I looked the word up since it came to my head unbidden…it means lethargy or prolonged inactivity. I am a little sore in my right arm today from the Pfizer vaccine. I am also a little sore in my legs from a barre workout I did yesterday. These are just an inventory…not complaints.

But the word today…I am still marveling over how much more I was able to do prior to this dance with ‘Rona. I would be at school by 0630, stay until 1730 or later, and I was able to marshal clubs and remediation, Sunshine stuff, I even coached for a minute or three. Somehow I had the energy and drive to get all of that done, and then get home to Luna and taking care of the business of the home.

I am not doing that anymore. Not because I am getting older, I think. I can almost SEE my energy being sucked into the camera on my computer like a violet spiral that is circling into a black hole. I still have plenty to do and I am doing the best I can, but by 1300 I am SPENT. I can make it to my car, after which I have to psych myself up to take Luna either to the dog park or for a long walk. I like to believe that—should things return to “normal”—I will be able to resume my previous pace with enthusiasm and stamina…but what if that is not the point? What if the point is to slow way down and do less…maybe BE more. It frightens me a little, this uncertainty. How will I be defined if not by all that I DO?

I don’t have answer for that, but I do have something to think about for the rest of the day as I try to beat back Torpor.