Fear

Frank Herbert says this:

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.”

I have been reflecting on fear today, and the impact it has on my behavior.

I could be afraid of being inept. This new technology is kicking my tuckkus. Or I could celebrate each new bit of information I accumulate as I am dragged by the hair into the 21st century.

I could be afraid that these new students will see through me and know that I am struggling. Or I could be transparent with them and let them know that I don’t have all the answers. I have always been able to do that before with other classes. I don’t know all the answers, but I know where to look for them.

I could be afraid of losing influence over my Class of 2021 as they move into the next sphere. Or I could be grateful for the vanguard of Senior teachers who are waiting to meet them.

I could be afraid of the technology. Or I could size it up like the elephant it is, tuck my napkin into my shirt, and start eating…one bite at a time.

I could be afraid of the uncertainty and insecurity about coming back to school. Or I could do the best I can, take the measures I can, and pray without ceasing for this place, these people, and for the decision makers.

It has been a battle that ebbs and flows in my mind these last few days. I find myself grasping to control things that are out of my control or not for me to control. I find myself irritated with people, mostly without cause…just because I need a focus for my fear, anger, frustration. I find myself snapping at people I haven’t seen in ages, and with whom I just want to be. It is not rational. It is fear. Killing my mind.

It truly is a choice. I see you, Fear. I don’t choose to be debilitated by you.