Thanks for Thoughts

I am a giver. I’ve been told my love language is service. Maybe that’s true, but chocolate does have its place. It is strange, though…I love doing for other people but I am painfully shy and uncomfortable with being recognized for it. The pleasure I receive is in the doing…I’d much rather leave something on your desk for you to find or in your mailbox than have you catch me placing it. And talk about awkward! I don’t know where to put my hands or my eyes when people do thoughtful things for me. I mean, I have skills. As long as you don’t look too closely at my face, I have polite responses to most situations…my face might be saying something else (silver lining for the mask wearing these days). I gather gifts and squirrel-like, set them aside for later enjoyment. I don’t know why that is. I do that at home for Christmas, too. When all the gifts are open and we are moving on to the food, I grab my goodies and stow them in whatever room I am staying in at Mom’s. No one is going to STEAL my stuff…can’t explain it.

I am reflecting on this because I am thinking back to where I was this time in 2017. Thirteen days after major surgery, hurting in unexpected places (not where the surgery was, for example), and already feeling like a chump for keeping my Mom and sister from home during the lead-in to the holidays. But people came. They came to see ME. They brought nice things and sought to cheer me up with flowers and candles and food! They made me laugh, even though it hurt a little. My students, past and present visited, some of them peering around surreptitiously…maybe they were looking for where I hang from the ceiling at night. It was a blessing, and I think I was more graceful (or perhaps less awkward) during this embarrassment of riches than I am normally. I’m sure it was the drugs.

I need to work on being a graceful and grateful recipient of the kindness of others. It is a thing that has been on my mind. The older I get, the more I will need to depend on this kindness. I should be careful that I don’t nip these flowers in the bud, even accidentally.

So. Go on. I can take it. Be kind to me.